Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
