Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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