Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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