I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude. I can hear the air.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
