you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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