Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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