True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
