i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
