What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
