I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
