u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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