The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
