Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
