Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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