hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
