i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
