I got chris browned last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
