porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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