You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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