I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
