ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
