We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
