I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
