Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
