Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
