On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
