I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
