no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
