Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
