oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
