Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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