so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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