I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
