Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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