This is not my ceiling
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
