If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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