I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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