I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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