Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
