my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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