If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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