id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
