I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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