I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
