Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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