im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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