Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
