still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
