he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
