OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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