I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
