i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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