I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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