dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
