The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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