dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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