Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
