Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
