I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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