how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was confusing and full of hummus
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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