I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your dad touched me again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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