I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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