her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
