She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
