...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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