It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
