is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
