Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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