she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I want her autograph on my taint
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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