I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
