okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
