He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
