I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
